Finding calm in the storm

I came back to the US in January for the Chinese New Year holiday. After a long time of being away I was excited to see all of my friends and family. After living in Jaipur and Shanghai I was definitely ready to immerse myself in nature, even if it was a cold and rainy time of year. Little did I know that nearly 3 months later I would still be here. Although Portland feels like home and I was feeling ready to move back this summer this new reality is one laced with anxiety. The unanswered questions swirl in my head leaving me with an intermittent heaviness in my chest and a clenched jaw at sunrise. 

The anxiety began when my first flight home to Shanghai was cancelled in January. In the weeks that followed I thought for certain things would die down. Like most of you, I never saw this global pandemic coming. In my perpetual optimism (for better or worse) I figured everything would be fine in a couple of months. So I waited it out a bit and bought another ticket back to Shanghai for early April. Then the world shut down and for fear of another wave of infection China closed its doors to foreign nationals (for the time being). A wave of anxiety overtook me when I was notified that I would not be able to go back. Tears filled my eyes, my head buzzed and it felt as though the weight of an elephant was pressing on my chest. What about my job? What about my apartment? What about my life there and the plans I had for when I planned to return?

Like so many of you, the uncertainty was overwhelming. Like so many of you, I am not sure how this global situation will effect my life in the near future and in the long term. Like so many of you my fears for my own personal situation are interlaced with my fears for the world and those who are ill equipped to deal with this pandemic that touches each of our lives. 

I am well aware that I am blessed in many ways. I am grateful to have a dear friend who has opened her home to me. I am grateful for the many people I have in my life to lean on.  I am grateful to be healthy and strong. I am grateful that for the time being I still have a job. I am grateful that my loved ones are also staying well. These and the little daily reminders of gratitude do help assuage the anxiety that inevitably bubbles to the surface from time to time.

The most effective way I have found to keep myself in the present and return to a lighter state of existence is to stay present. It is not lost on me that this state of mindfulness is one that we should all work toward as a constant state of being. The work is simply more poignant at this time. This gap of uncertainty I find myself swimming in can only be navigated by focusing on the aspects of my life that I am able to control. Allowing myself to drown in this state of worry means I need to re-direct. To plant my feet on solid ground takes concerted effort. 

What can I control? Well the first thing I can control is my daily schedule. As I'm sure is the case for many of you, I find that I feel better when I get up earlier and get started with my day. Laying in bed reading the news is not conducive to mindful living. Starting my day with meditation is a much better choice. This is a tough one for me but this week I implemented a new schedule that includes morning meditation. It's another one of those things that I know brings me peace but I have a hard time sticking with. Well, what better time time start? Who's with me?

I also feel better when I get plenty of exercise. I am lucky enough to have Forest Park at my doorstep and running those trails encased in greenery has been very therapeutic. I particularly love days my roomie and I can power up those hills together. I am a strong believer in utilizing the strength of the body to cultivate strength in all aspects of our lives. These challenges we are all facing require strength and tenacity to navigate.  Running hills is certainly great training ground for strength and tenacity.

Another component of life I can control is growing my businesses and continuing to make plans for my future business endeavor. This helps keep me grounded in the present. Even though professional development does involve having one eye on the future I have found that taking daily and specific action keeps me grounded and empowered. I am not quite where I want to be on this front but it's a work in progress.

How I choose to nourish my body is another aspect of life I can control. I have a long history of emotional eating but I am happy to say that most days I am able to avoid this unhealthy pattern and make good choices when I'm at the grocery store. It does help living with someone who also makes healthy eating a priority. Cooking healthy meals together also helps. Do you live alone? Drop me an email and lets schedule a time for a virtual dinner party.

I still don't know what my future holds. When I allow the unanswered questions to dominate my inner dialogue, that' s when I fall off track. Focusing on the things I can control brings me back. Like so many of you, I am learning as I go. When this situation passes, as it surely will, I hope to come through to the other side a more mindful and tenacious individual. As the world pauses together I am hopeful that this energetic shift results in a collective shift toward mindfulness. We are navigating this separately yet as one world. Can we retain this conscious duality when the world goes back into motion? Can we all be more mindful of how we spend our time; how we nourish our bodies and minds? Can we all be more mindful of how our actions effect the world around us? Can we all be more mindful of each other's experience? I sure as hell hope so. 

I would love to hear about how you are navigating this difficult time. Let's share our collective experience, as a community. 

The sweetness of coming home...

After 16 months living abroad I decided it was time for a visit home. So much had happened since I boarded the plane bound for Jaipur September 11, 2018. Such is the nature of life, there were ups and there were downs. There were victories and there were failures. I said some hard goodbyes, made many new friends and learned some valuable lessons along the way. My time living in India and then China has taught me more about who I am than I ever imagined these experiences would.  I learned the importance of allowing myself to be vulnerable. I was encouraged to believe that asking for help is not weakness. I found peace in what had felt like isolation. I found tenderness for myself that I didn’t realize the degree to which I needed it. Not only that, but the opportunity to live and work in India was a long time dream come true and reinforced my belief in the power of manifestation.

I started my homecoming in Portland, a place that had been home for 8 years. It felt great to be back and once again surrounded by my amazing tribe of friends and the forest I had missed so much. In spite of the rain and chilly temperatures I got myself into the woods a few times to absorb grounding energy in a place I feel true connection. It felt good to be home and I truly felt like Portland is where I belong. Recently my brother called my a rolling stone. We laughed about this but he is right. I have done my share of wandering and rolling along and I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to have seen so many amazing places and experience what it’s like to live abroad. The experiences I have had living in Ireland, Japan, India and China have been invaluable and have undoubtedly shaped the woman I am today. Yet there was a certain peace in feeling truly at home. I will never stop wandering the earth, but I know the home base I will always come back to. Exploring new places will always bring me great joy and bring me back to myself. Yet I don't think I need to navigate the minutiae of living in another country again. It teaches grit and perseverance but well, some stuff is just easier to deal with at home. I guess the bureaucracy you know well is better than the that which you don’t. 

After some time in Portland I returned to Wisconsin to visit friends and family. The homecoming was just as sweet but in a different way. I grew up in a small town not far from Milwaukee and going back there is always nostalgic but more like a distant life. I had a wonderful time reminiscing with old friends, a few I hadn’t seen in 25 years. I’m sure many of you can relate but its funny how so much time has passed but it somehow seems like so little. We laughed, we danced and we acted like the teenagers we once knew each other as. 

The more poignant part of my visit to Wisconsin was my time in Milwaukee. I spent 7 years living in Milwaukee before relocating to Portland in 2010. It was as cold as I remember and I can definitely say I did not miss the dirty, gray February snowbanks. In spite of the cold I did manage  a few runs by the lakefront. Although I had to push through some wind the cold wind on my cheeks and the sun bouncing off the ice cold winter blue of Lake Michigan was invigorating.  As I drove around the city taking it all in I noticed a lot of changes; yet a lot has remained the same. The deli around the corner from my old apartment is still there but its remodeled and (somewhat) modernized. The old German bar I once frequented, the Greek cafe and the late night diner (to name a few) all stood as they always had since decades before my time there. Yet as one would expect, there was also some change. I sensed a more vibrant energy in Milwaukee, a city that is perhaps on the rise. I saw some face lifts to areas that were once dilapidated. I enjoyed observing the blend of old and new that I saw all around me. What I was observing on the outside wasn’t so unlike what I was observing on the inside. There are certain parts of me that will always be there. I don't think my sensitivity will fade and the ease at which I cry will probably always be a part of me. I am very active and love being connected to nature. This will never change. I laugh easily, smile often and hold a select few close to my heart. These too are foundations of who I am. Yet there is also evolution and growth. We all experience this, more strongly at certain times than others. I truly feel that I am in a place of significant change. Some aspects of me with remain unchanged but I am embracing the destruction that comes with growth, well most of the time anyway. 

I am back in Portland and unsure when I can get back to my life in China and uncertain what I will face when I return. This is unsettling at times and I crave some grounding. I am finding that through growing my Arbonne business, allowing myself to dream big about what’s next and committing to daily habits of self care. In the Hindu tradition Kali is the goddess of death and is often depicted as a fierce warrior. She represents darkness that has the power to destroy but also to create. Lakshmi is the goddess of abundance and beauty. A dear friend reminded me that this is a time to let Kali in for she will make room for Lakshmi. For me, this means letting go of patterns that no longer serve me and surrendering to that which is beyond my control. Only then can I continue to make space for this ongoing journey of growth.  

For now, this rolling stone will continue to roll with the changing tide. I know where I want the tide of life to take me and I commit to continuing to dream big, live fiercely and embrace the love that surrounds me.

We are all just humans

Living abroad, particularly in Asia, there are plenty of opportunities to learn and grow. There are so many moments of fascinating observation; both in the world I have immersed myself in and my world within. My time living here as well as in India has been thought provoking, joyful and inspirational but of
course it can also be infuriating and lonely. Sometimes the frustration surfaces over innocuous things like how to pay my electric bill but also over cultural divides. Then of course there is the language barrier. I am working to bridge that gap but progress is moving at snail’s pace.

Living in Shanghai it can be easy to get bogged down by the challenges. Yes I figured out how to pay my electric bill but it seems like every week there is some new thing to figure out and well, it can be exhausting. Living in a city of 24 million people where I only know a few can also be draining. I have always been sensitive creature and fall into a space of loneliness when I get bogged down by life. It is quite difficult for me to share this but observing that and creating a loving space for that experience has been an important part of my experience here. I mention this because am learning that alone doesn’t have to be lonely. In spite of all my solo travel and difficult breakups I have navigated over the past 10 years, it wasn’t until very recently that I fully understood this.

In spite of the frustrations, China is an interesting place to live. Besides, if I really wanted everything to be easy and familiar then I wouldn't have uprooted my life and moved to India in 2018. One thing that I observe here that is difficult for me to navigate is my perception of how people interact. I feel a coldness here that is
challenging. I don’t mean this to be critical because who am I to say that one culture is superior to another. However, I am a sensitive creature and for as long as I can remember have been sensitive to the energy of others, even though for many years I couldn’t articulate it as such. From the outside, I see the community but not deep connection. I observe the rhythm of life here and recognize the cohesion that is an integral part of the order of things here. I recognize that part of what I am feeling is big city life. I realize that living in a city of 24 million people is not the best place to observe the true heart of China just like it would be hard to fairly assess American society by only living in New York City. But this is what I have to go on. I have learned that maneuvering all of this is part of the culture shock for me which in and of itself was difficult for me. Because I have spent a lot of time in Asia I didn't expect to have a tough time adjusting to life here. I thought I would slide right into life here.  It has been comforting to know that the loneliness and culture shock is part of life (at some point) for most of the expats I have encountered here. 

As I observe and contemplate the differences between countries and its people I am also fascinated by the similarities. In Shanghai I am teaching at an elementary school and it has been a wonderful experience getting to know the students. The rigors of Chinese schools are much more intense than my experience was but the kids, at the younger grades I teach anyway, are still the same.

One day I brought some cookies for a treat and when I got to the last class of the day I was afraid I was going to run out before everyone got one. One of the girls offered to share her cookie and broke apart her Oreo to share it with a classmate. On another occasion one of my first graders was very upset and crying a lot during class. She wasn't able to communicate why with me but several of the other students tried consoling her. I was touched by these observations and although I don't have a lot of experience with children I saw these interactions as examples of how the kind heart of a child is a universal attribute. Gradually, as we move through our lives our culture and life experiences place shadows over that true essence. Besides the compassion I observe between the kids there are various other similarities. Of course, the smart and bored kids act out. The shy students sit in the back to avoid being called upon. Those who are afraid to make mistakes speak slowly and quietly with careful intention. When those little humans came running down the hall to give me a hug after I was away in Nepal for 2 weeks it warmed my heart and I was again reminded of the universal desire for connection. 

I know my observations of a shared cookie, kind moments between 6 year olds, a few hugs and classroom behaviors might seem like small examples of universal human existence. However, I truly believe that if more of us could interact from the heart of our inner child, from a place of innate compassion we all have, the world could be a kinder place. This means being more open with each other and requires some brave vulnerability. Learning to be better at that has also been a part of my experience here. These little humans I am surrounded by are a gentle and daily reminder to keep my heart open and bravely walk the path of compassion. It is from this avenue that I can strive to live my most authentic and fulfilling life. Care to join me in this mission?

I believe.... in the magic of 2020!

I can't believe it's almost 2020! So much has transpired in the past year, in the past decade. Yet, at the same time, it somehow seems as though such little time has passed. I guess the older we get the quicker time passes. As I look ahead to what I want for my future I know one thing for certain. Its been an amazing ride so far. As I contemplate my goals for 2020 I know that having a direction is an integral part of growth, as is the ability to learn from past mistakes. However, the ability to be present and grateful are of equal importance. 

My life sure does feel weird sometimes and as I sit here in Shanghai contemplating the past and dreaming of the future it is definitely one of those moments. I don't mean this as a bad thing, its a weirdness I am grateful for most of the time. I am grateful to have the opportunity to live in the fascinating city and spend time with my little brother. I am grateful for the friends I have made here who have made my time here special. I am even grateful for the solitude and the ability it has given me to get to know myself a little better and create a better relationship with myself. I am also grateful that my life is still so much fun sometimes. I remember when I was in my 20s and I thought I had to do everything fun before I was 30 because after that, the fun is over. What a laugh!

I am grateful for so much that has transpired in the past year. To list a few; living in Jaipur, India, Vipassana in Nepal, motorcycle trip in Northern India, moving to Shanghai in August, back to Nepal for my yoga and hiking trip, and all the friends I have made along the way. Being away from home can have its challenges and I am grateful for all the people who held my had through the struggles and laughed by my side.

In last month's blog I reflected on my recent yoga and hiking trip in Nepal. In that post I mentioned a mantra I had for this trip, "I believe". When I was flying from China to Nepal I had a moment of clarity about what is next. I'll wait until things are more solidified to share but although I know it will take hard work and grit it will most importantly take belief in myself. As I look ahead to what I want to manifest in 2020 I resolve to keep this mantra at the forefront of my mind. Self-limiting behaviors and negative self talk limit so many of us from achieving what we truly want. It’s scary to dream big. It’s easy to stay small. I understand this is part of the human condition but with the right intention we can break free from it. 

I'll never forget the day this photo with the yak was taken. The views were beyond beautiful and I was feeling such joy. I ran down the smooth paths and even up some of them. The harder my heart beat the more alive and joyful I felt. Then we saw this yak just hanging out at the edge of the mountain; so grounded and strong as is the nature of the yak. This energy became part of the day. Strength, joy, grounded essence and belief in myself. These components of the experience gelled in my soul. I know not every experience can be as joyful as that day but as I have written about before I don't necessarily think of joy as one type of experience. Yes, joy is laughter and amazing experiences, but joy is also peace. Peace can be experienced in the smallest of moments. A smile from a stranger, the barista knowing what I want (even if I am only one of a few foreigners who comes in), an origami lotus from a 7 year old student and simple messages that a friend is thinking of me. These simple moments can easily be found day to day. These simple moments are what ground me in joy, root me in my strength and remind be to believe that I can do anything I set my mind to. 

The picture below was take from Everest View Hotel and yes, thats Mt. Everest in the background. This is a great reminder that perseverance is key. I set my intention to return to Nepal when I left the first time in 2016. I didn't think it would take so long to get back but I'm so glad I stuck with it. The next trip is on the horizon! Stay tuned for details for my Himalayan adventure 2020! These mountains truly call to me, and I am listening. 

Have a safe and joyful New Year! I would love to hear from you on how you are going to make your dreams a reality in 2020!

Leaps of faith down a path less traveled

I recently celebrated my 43rd birthday and wow, a lot has happened in my last journey around the sun. In fact, I feel like the past 3 years have been rife with transition, leaps of faith and big change.  Celebrating my 43rd birthday in Shanghai is not something I thought I would be doing a year, or even 6 months ago. But well, life has a funny way of taking twists and turns sometimes. 

If you know me at all, you know that I have never been a person who takes the traditional path in life. Sometimes I think my life would have been easier if I had sought the “American dream”. This path of a traditional career, a house and a family that fills the gaps and empty rooms is something I see bring people great joy and reward. But somehow it is not a path that ever spoke to me. Maybe it was fear or maybe it’s been the longing to explore, or maybe both. 

The small catholic school I went to in Hartford, WI had a cultural fair of sorts every year. One year when I was 9 or 10 I remember seeing the Japanese table. It was just a small table with a display of a few beautifully exotic items (well, they were exotic to me at the time anyway). I don't remember what was all there but I do remember the kimono hanging on the backdrop, the chopsticks, lacquered bowls and pictures of architecture I longed to see up close. There was something so magical about this part of the world to me; even though I’m not sure I really knew exactly where it was at the time. Between that, my fascination with the Blue Lagoon and all the time I spent spinning the globe in my living room I knew that there was so much out there to explore. My naive young mind didn't know that I was putting energy into the world that just might have a strong impact on how my life unfolded. Its fascinating how one seemingly small event, a seemingly innocuous thought or a seemingly small decision can alter the course of one’s life. This ripple effect of small pebbles thrown into the pond of life is something I spend a lot of time contemplating. Maybe this cultural fair put something greater in motion. Maybe thinking this is my adult naive mind. Im really not sure. 

Fast forward to 2016. There were many adventures before then but this is the one that has been the catalyst for a lot of upheaval over the past 3 years. I was traveling alone after a yoga and hiking retreat I led with a friend. In spite of the blazing heat and mosquitos lurking in the grass I decided to do a yoga practice in the garden area of the hotel I was staying at. I remember feeling shy to do it, not wanting to draw attention but I knew my body needed it so I thought, what the hell. After my practice someone approached me and started talking to me about yoga. He worked at a University in Rajasthan, India and asked me if I had ever considered teaching in India. I felt my eyes widen and my stomach flip. I thought, “could it be possible that this is my chance to live abroad again? Could my dream of living in India for a while finally be coming true?” Well, it almost was. Unfortunately the job that was potentially on the table fell through. When it didn't work out I told myself that by the time I turned 42 I would be living abroad again. I had just turned 40. Then, 2 years later, I got an email from the same individual. He wanted to tell me about another opportunity in India. So, long story short, 2 months after I received that I email, I was on a plane headed for Jaipur, India. I sold my car, packed up the stuff that remained after what seemed like 25 trips to good will and off I went. Now of course, there were many tearful goodbyes and moments of terror over whether I was making the right decision. After all, I had a good life in Portland. Lots of friends, a business that was growing, a boyfriend, and I absolutely loved living in the Pacific Northwest. But I just couldn't say no. The universe was giving me a gift. I knew that if I didn't to do it, the time would come quickly that I would regret it. What transpired over the next 9 months of living in India was interesting to say the least. The specifics of that experience are better left for another story. For now, I am more curious about the leap of faith it took to get me there. 

In the past few months there have been a series of additional leaps. I made the hard decision to say goodbye to someone I cared about very much. I committed to 10 days of meditation when I could barely manage sitting in meditation for 15 minutes a couple days a week. I spent 2 weeks on a motorcycle with someone I barely knew going in. And now, here I am in Shanghai living in a city that I never thought much about and it turns out I love it. I’m not saying I’ll stay forever, I just mean that life is full of surprises. 

Shanghai is by far the biggest city I have ever lived in. But its also safe, relatively quiet, the streets are clean and the metro system is fantastic. A few of my other favorite things are all of the lush green parks, the old couples dancing in the park at dusk, watching the Tai Chi practitioners when I run in the morning, the old men and their little birds in cages, Chinese “breakfast burritos”, and the plethora of culinary oddities I have admired but yet to try. 

In spite of all of the amazing things I have seen and wonderful experiences I have had, I’m still not sure exactly where my path will take me; this path who's seed was planted many years ago has not yet been fully cultivated. My choice to evade the path commonly chosen hasn't really felt like a choice, but something I was drawn to. I am sure this was hugely frustrating to my parents when I was younger (I think they are used to it now), but I have always been inclined to let the wind take me. Birthdays are a time of contemplation for many of us and for me the older I get the bigger the questions. One of them is whether I should keep taking these leaps of faith? Each one has resulted in some hardship along with the joy. Before my hands even made it back to the keyboard I knew the answer, a resounding no. Could I learn to be a little more cautious sometimes? Well sure and there are some mistakes I have learned from. But I still can say that I have followed my heart and that is something that this leo sure is drawn to do. The loneliness I sometimes feel on this path is one of the hardest parts. I have met so many wonderful people in my travels but its not the same as the comfort and security we experience with family and friends we have been close to for a long time. While I know that this empty space we all feel sometimes can’t be filled by cars or houses but it also cant be filled by mountain views and filling up my passport. I’m still working on the complete answer but what I do know is that embracing the truth of who we are and the path we have chosen is a step in the right direction for us all to cultivate long term happiness.

As I continue to navigate life in yet another new country I also continue to navigate the minutiae of my psyche. The challenges that present themselves put to test the skills I have learned in my meditation training. The new friends and random acts of kindness from strangers keep me hopeful and rooted in joy. 

Contemplations from the Road

Before heading off from India I decided to have one more adventure. I always love the mountains and there were places in Northern India that I knew would be amazing to see. And I knew that retuning to the Himalayas would be a great way to say goodbye to India. When I was trying to decide whether or not to go, there was that voice of reason in the back of my head questioning the wisdom of going. I knew I would be heading to Nepal for the 10 day meditation and I thought maybe that was enough. However, when the suggestion came my way to do a 2 week trip on a motorcycle into the northern-most part of India I knew it would be the trip of a lifetime and I just couldn't say no.

When I came to India in September 2018 it was a big leap of faith so I decided, what the hell, I would take another one. As I reflect back on my life I guess this is a pattern for me. I tend to jump into things. Some might say this is foolish or irresponsible or impetuous but I guess I just believe in seizing the moment. I didn't know when I would be back in India and I didn't know if I would ever have the chance again to take a motorcycle tour in the Himalayas. I’ll be honest here, there were several leaps of faith involved. I know how dangerous motorcycles can be and I assumed some of there terrain would be rough. I also would be spending two weeks with someone I didn't know particularly well. I mean, people who get along in life don't always get along when traveling together but something told me everything would work out, and it did (for the most part). Something told me I would be safe, and I was. Something told me it would be the experience of a lifetime, and it was. Sure, my ass hurt and we got on each others nerves from time to time but I am so grateful to have had the experience. The landscape we rode through was nothing short of spectacular and the fluctuations of my mind provided great big mouthfuls of food for thought. Following the 10 days of meditation with this trip to the Spiti Valley encouraged me to delve even deeper into my psyche. There was a lot of time to think and the changing landscape and majestic mountains were a source of great inspiration each day. 

By the end of the first day the heat of Delhi gave way to cool mountain air and lush rolling mountains. I was in awe and tried in vain to capture the images with my smart phone as we drove along. The sweet energy of Sarahan, the fierce river running through Chitkul (the last village at the mountainous Indo-Tibetan border), the Tibetan style homes framed by snowy peaks in Nako, the charming village of Kabo, the grandeur of the peaks and valleys in Kaza...each place we visited provided new magnificent views and friendly smiles.

It was around day 6 when the awe I was already experiencing went to whole new level. The gravel roads and surrounding dramatic landscape made me feel as though I were on the moon. The green snow capped mountains gave way to jagged earthy dusty rocks with a muddy river flowing through the dramatic gorge. The drop off at the road's edge got closer and steeper. Periodically I would peer over the edge to check for edges of fear. A few times my heart would skip a beat but then the calm would quickly return. It was strange. I honestly foresaw myself having much more fear on this trip. There was no fear of falling because I knew we wouldn't. There was no fear about what was around the next bend because I knew Vaibhav would gracefully navigate any obstacles that presented themselves. There was no fear of weather turning because whatever came would only be a passing discomfort as is the nature of all things. 

As we rolled and bumped along the roads the blue snowy peaks periodically broke up the perceived moonscape that dominated our surroundings. Here and there the industrious people of the mountain had cultivated the land and clusters of green step farms broke up the expansive earth tones. 

The landscape of Spiti VAlley is that which I have never seen before. The scenery of the entire trip was stunning but there was something profound about being surrounded by this new terrain. It was almost as though the energetic connection to this new natural landscape facilitated a deeper energetic connection to a new way of being. As we drove I felt a softer place around my heart. As I shared my reflections with my friend and road captain (Vaibhav), my vulnerability also surprised me. Sharing fears and insecurities incited some anxiety but as soon as the words left my lips there was also peace. Although I do consider myself to be an open person, I do feel a sort of fear clouding my heart. This fear has been a familiar companion but releasing this burden is an undeniable necessity if I am to continue to grow. The new landscape  provided fertile ground in which to plant these new seeds of growth. Under the light of the Himalayan sun the shadows that follow me were slowly being burnt away. 

The mind is a funny thing. It becomes accustomed to patterns of pain and it can feel foreign or even self-indulgent to cultivate patterns of joy. But joy is real, joy is truth, joy is from an unadulterated peace. Not the joy that incites belly laughs and butterflies, but the joy that gently softens the heart. It is not a joy to attach to but a joy to return to when the pain of life returns, as it surely will. When this pain surfaces the sense of calm that joy brings can be home base, a warm place to return to when the fleeting painful situations arise. All things arise and pass away yet I truly believe that joy remains constant. It will always be there waiting if we have the patience and fortitude to live from this place of truth.

When I made the decision to move to India a year ago I had a thought that the endeavor just might change the course of my life. This shift in my reality and the softening of my heart is not quite what I was expecting but even more meaningful than a new career path. Of course, new surroundings, new experiences and new friends have the power to blow through the status quo of the mind. However, the true wisdom lies in retaining the lessons for the long haul. We all need help to remember to keep the heart open, self love at the forefront and cultivate a deeper trust in our inner wisdom. For me, sharing these reflections with you helps me remember to stay on track as lasting change takes time and persistence to cultivate.

A deep thank you to Vaibhav of Roads and Chrome for the incredible journey. Sorry I would never let you sleep in but I hope the cups of chai I brought you in the morning made up for it. Thank you for keeping me safe on the road and for being a good friend (and therapist at times). Who knows, maybe I'll see you down the road for another Himalayan adventure. Anyone care to join me?

The Sounds of Silence

For the past few years I have toyed with the idea of taking part in a 10 day Vipassana course. I never was sure I could handle it and didn't think I was a serious enough meditator to take on something like this. What is Vipassana? It's an ancient meditation technique that was practiced in India roughly 2500 years ago. The tradition became adulterated and watered down and eventually died out. It was reinvigorated in Myanmar in the 20th century and is now practiced around the world. (For more information go to dhamma.org)

There are several Vipassana centers in India and Nepal and it seemed like the perfect time for me to take on this challenge. To be honest, going in I didn't know much about it other than that it was 10 days of silence and a whole lot of meditation. I thought maybe it was better to go in without expectations so with an open mind and a trusting heart I signed up for the June course in Pokhara, Nepal.

As June 1st grew closer my excitement gradually gave way to fear and apprehension. I questioned whether I would be able to handle it. Then, on the way there in the taxi I stopped at the ATM so I could pay the driver and I wasn't able to access any cash. I tried 4 different ATMs and none of them would work. Sweat dripped down my back, my breath quickened, and a knot formed in my stomach. There had been other obstacles I had to overcome in the previous week and I was feeling panic with this new one. Miraculously I was able to contact the bank and they were able to fix the issue. I definitely lost my cool on that one. Interesting timing wasn't it?

When I finally arrived at the meditation center I was pleasantly surprised by the view. The center was situated on the top of a hill overlooking a beautiful lake and rolling mountains as far as you could see. On a couple of mornings that are rare for this time of year the clouds dispersed and the mighty, snowy peaks of the Himalaya revealed themselves. Another metaphor for the journey we were on together for those 10 days.

When I was taken to my room I was surprised to see that I would be sharing a room with 5 other women. Would be interesting to be in such close proximity to 5 people I couldn't talk to or interact with.  As I crawled beneath the blanket on that first night and listened to the rain pound on the metal roof I felt the grip of fear return. I thought to myself, "what the hell am I doing here? How will I possibly get through the next 10 days?" It turns out, one day and one breath at a time. 

When the morning gong echoed through the air at 4am I peeled my eyes open and got ready for the first round of meditation. What transpired over the following days and hours of sitting on that cushion in that sometimes stifling room was an erratic mixture of emotions, sensations and energetic flow.

I knew that some people didn't last the whole time and on day 2 the first person left, then a few more as the course went on. I was determined make it through. I was fascinated by what would happen to my brain while sitting in meditation for so many hours. Turns out, it's really hard to concentrate. Part of Vipassana is connecting to the sensations of the body through a type of body scan. Starting at my head, I would often only get to my nose and my mind would wander to wondering what was for breakfast, what the next phase of my life will look like in China, wondering what happened to my first boyfriend, or the girl who was so mean to me in 1st and 2nd grade....the list of distracting thoughts goes on and on. Then the questions would arise. Was I failing?...just breath...How will I get through 9 more hours?...just breath. Will my back hurt the whole time?...just breath. I had to continually remind myself to come back, to focus, to persevere and that nothing is permanent. I had to remind myself to be grateful to be there and to embrace the gift of the journey I was on.  As I look back it was truly a microcosm of life. There is often pain in life. There so many distractions that take us from our path. We are so often faced with the choice of taking challenges head on or burying our head in the sand. We can choose to run from the pain of growth or dive in and experience the pain so we can see more clearly how to get through it the next time it arises.  There are times when we question our inherent wisdom and forget our innate compassion. The practice of Vipassana can help bring you back to your truth.

As a yoga practitioner I understand the connection of mind and body and understand that our body holds tension that is generated in the mind. Like yoga, this is part of the expereince of Vipassana. When we are able to connect to (however uncomfortable) the pain in the body, we can then release the patterns of misery generated in the mind. The hips can hold deep rooted pain. The lower back can hold tightly to traumas the mind holds tightly to. The upper back can hold tightly to the tension of a fearful heart. I felt all of these in my body. And I also felt release. The release came with rushes of energy flooding areas of my body and this energy was often accompanied by tears. Not tears of sadness or even tears attached to a particular thought, but rather, tears of release; tears of letting go. These moments were profound. The tricky part of this was not becoming attached to the experience and letting the waves come and go with the grace of an ocean tide. 

The teaching of Vipassana is rife with life lessons. One that stood out to me that I wanted to share is the power of planting the seeds of the fruit you wish to have in your life. Do you plant seeds of doubt or seeds of hope? Do you plant seeds of faith or seeds of cynicism? Do you plant seeds of joy or seeds of misery? The mind is a powerful tool but can also be a powerful weapon when left to run wild. I believe that we can all train our mind to nurture and cultivate seeds of positivity. As the story goes, if you want to have sweet mangos, then you can't plant seeds of the bitter neem tree.

When the vow of silence ended on the afternoon of day 9 it felt strange to talk. But quickly the room buzzed with joyful conversation. Somehow we had created relationships through the shared energy and shared experience.  It felt as though a special bond was created. While at first I was disappointed to be sharing a room with so many people, it turned into a wonderful experience. Another way perspective shifted my reality.

These 10 days began a new chapter in my long journey of self-discovery. The path of awareness, the path of Dhamma, is one of truth. But it is also a path that requires patience and persistence. The path can be painful but it can also lighten your mind and your heart and deepen the most important relationship you have in your life; the relationship you have with yourself. 

Faith, Hope & Confidence

My time in India thus far has been flush with adventure, exploration,  introspection and also some struggle. I am grateful for all of it. After all, some of the biggest lessons in life show themselves when we are in the midst of a battle. It can be hard to see clearly through the chaos but with careful and brave reflection I see the message the universe is sending. 

I'm going to share a secret, and even as I write it makes my palms sweat. I am fully aware that I am living a good life and I am grateful for the opportunities that have come my way. I have achieved a lot but I could be achieving so much more. Why do I think this? What is stopping me? Courage. The courage to fully believe in myself. I don't want this to come off as self-pity. I know that I have accomplished some great things but I also know that I am capable of more and the only way to greatness is on a path of courage and self-confidence. I also know that for most of us these qualities have to be cultivated. Over the years I have become more self assured and that shy and scared little girl I remember lives in the past (most of the time). However, I also know that I continue to get in my own way. Thankfully I have some awesome women in my life who are willing to call me on my shit and remind me of my greatness when I forget. 

To me,  important ingredients for confidence are faith and hope. Hope is defined as the feeling that what is wanted can be had. Faith is defined as trust in a person or thing that is not based on proof. This is the tricky part of confidence and what can paralyze action. If we only take action when we have proof that things will turn out as we like, then our actions will be few and our growth will be limited.

Through growth of my businesses I have learned that confidence comes with taking scary steps even when the outcome is unclear. Confidence comes when I have those tough conversations even when I would prefer to keep my mouth shut and accept what is before me. Confidence comes when I dare to dream big and take the actions I need to get there. I firmly believe that the magic in life lies just outside the comfort zone. This is part of why I travel, why I love triathlons and why run my own businesses. There are easier paths I could have chosen, but what fun is that?

One of my goals is to continue to explore this crazy world. While I know my family in the Midwest and my friends and trees in the Pacific Northwest will always draw me back, the explorer in me will always take me on adventures. Right now I am again at a fork in the road. As I contemplate the best route to choose it is important to keep in mind to remain confident in my abilities, have faith that I will make the best choice and remain hopeful that my path will continue to be one of growth. Stay tuned for what's next!

Reset your diet to reboot your health, 30 days to healthy living

It's that time of year again...the time of year we open the windows and spring clean our homes. Well, our bodies need it to.

A diet high in refined sugar, coffee, processed food, fried foods and conventionally raised meat can wreak havoc on the body and cause toxic build up. Here are a few signs you might be experiencing toxic build-up. 

• sugar cravings

• blood sugar issues

• skin issues (rashes, acne)

• moodiness

• insomnia

• increased belly fat

• autoimmune conditions

• inability to lose weight

A build-up of toxicity in the body can indicate a sluggish liver which is an important organ for detoxification. When we give the liver a break for 30 days it can catch up and help to rid the body of toxins. This can also help the body to shed stubborn fat stores. (fat tissue is a storage facility for toxins that keeps them away from vital organs)

Want to give yourself the gift and health and give that poor over-worked liver of yours a break? Then its time to embark on the Arbonne 30 days to healthy living plan! This IS NOT a crash diet. This IS NOT a starvation diet or liquid diet. This is a whole foods, complete body reset. Yes, it is recommended that you give up some things for the 30 days but I assure you that you will feel better for it. This amazing body reset includes the following:

• Complete meal plan including recipes

• daily support email

• bi-weekly email or text check in (calling is tough since I'm in India)

• access to a private Facebook group to recipes, successes and failures with other people on the program  

• vegan, gluten free toxin free supplements to support your body reset. 

For an overview of the program as well as more info about why you might need a detox check out this short VIDEO I made. 

If you have any questions please don't hesitate to reach out! I would love to hear from you.

The Warrior in Warrior-Flow

After our yoga practice the other day a few of my students asked about my tattoos. You could say that the 2 larger ones express a sort of fierceness. One is dragon inspired by Shambhala, representing "unwavering strength". The other is a cluster of cherry blossoms with the Japanese symbol for warrior in the center. I laughed  to myself and thought, "they must think I'm so tough". And in some ways I am but that is not the reason I am drawn to these inspirations of fierceness. Way back in 2011 when I was contemplating what to call my business and came up with Warrior-Flow I wanted something that sounded strong and yes I am a martial artist and a warrior in that sense. But the warrior in Warrior-Flow came from something deeper which is the essence of who I strive to be in the buddhist sense of the word which is to be strong in who you are. This a battle many of us fight.

I'm going to be candid here. From a very young age I struggled with self-confidence and body image issues started very young. I was always a sensitive soul and tears have always come easily to my eyes. For much of my life I saw this sensitivity as a cross to bear and was ashamed of the tears that often fell. While I now see my sensitive soul as an asset I am still working on the tears part. However, in my heart I know that however I experience my emotions is ok. If I cry, so what. Crying is a release and an expression of deep emotion and what is wrong with that? This past week one of my students was struggling with this issue and I reassured her that her tears were ok and not to worry about how it seemed to others. I reassured her that there is strength in letting yourself feel your emotions. It was a good reminder for me to give this same compassion to myself. 

As I have mentioned, living in India has had its share of ups and downs, as life always does. Sometimes life's daily struggles seem amplified here. Maybe it's because so much is foreign and so little that is familiar. I don't mean this negatively, but rather that there is constant food for thought. Sure I have my daily routines and places I frequent but these routines are still met with a sense of having to navigate carefully and be strong in who I am. For example when I go to the gym in the early morning I have a basic structure I like to follow. When I select my weights for each exercise in my circuit sometimes some guy will come and take them when I put them down for a moment. Now, I realize that there are a limited number of dumbbells and I don't want to hog them but to me its customary for people to share in this situation, but there hadn't been this consideration. I assumed it was because I am a woman (usually the only one in the free weight area) but I wasn't sure whether I was being overly sensitive. Was their behavior a cultural thing? Was it reflective of Indian sexism? Now I think so. Over time, people started asking before they take weights that I might still be using. And now they even return them to me when they are done so that we can share. I feel like I had to earn the respect of my fellow gym-goers. I don't know why it took so long, I can certainly squat more than most of the men there who seem to only be interested in working their arms (but this is a story for another day). My point is that even something simple like gym etiquette is the source of personal reflection and cultural analysis. 

Life will always be filled with tests; tests of strength, of courage, of beliefs and of one's ability to communicate kindly. I firmly believe that strength in one's sense of self is the key. Strength begets strength and sends a positive vibration into the universe.  So the fact that I am drawn to intensity and messages of fierceness is the fact that I need regular reminders to stand strong in who I am. There is a beauty and grace in this for everyone. The only way to soar is to see that you have wings. Sometimes it hard to spread them but once you do its hard to go back. 

What makes you soar?

Your perception is your reality

How many times have you had an experience or been part of a conversation that you and someone else remembered completely differently? How many of you sometimes love the rain but some days its the worst thing ever? How often have we wished for the warm sun on your skin but then other times just want hide from its burning rays? How is it that one day you wake up with a smile while others you just want to pull the covers over your head and avoid the day all together. 

While of course there are many factors that effect our day to day existence, but what I’m talking about is perception. Our perception shapes our reality. Our perception affects each of our experiences. I spend a lot of time thinking about this facet of life and am fascinated by the minds ability to bend and shape what our eyes see, our ears hear, and what our skin feels. We are complicated animals and our experiences along our journey through life effect our perceptions to varying degrees. But how often are we cognizant of an opportunity to look at something a different way? How often do we pause and consider changing the lens through which we see the world? Perception can be the cause of inner turmoil as well as conflict with others. Not only that, but when we become too deeply mired in our own existence we might miss the opportunity to shift our own experience for the better.

Living in India has given me so a plethora of food for thought on this topic. When I boarded that plane back in September embarking on this journey to Jaipur I thought I knew what I was getting into. After all, I had been to India 3 times before and traveled to various parts of the country, including time spent in the are I'm currently living. I knew it would be hot, but this leo loves the sun and the idea of skipping winter seemed just fine to me. And of course I knew there would be mostly vegetarian restaurants, an overabundance of horn honking and cows in the streets. However, nearly 5 months here my perspective has changed. 

Some days the horns hardly exist to me but some days the incessant noise makes my blood boil. Some days the cows are charming but some days I don’t even blink an eye at them. I suppose the novelty of things wear off but there seems to be more to it than that. Some days I even long to bundle up and play in the snow! (maybe you can’t take Wisconsin out of the girl). 

Sure, there are things that were novel and no longer are and there have been growing pains associated with living in an Indian city. There’s the “foreigner price” for things that you just have to deal with. There’s the confusing income tax system. There’s the traffic rules (there are no rules?) There’s the sometimes overwhelming attention that comes with being a white woman living in a conservative Indian city. Even my perception of this varies. Some days I find it infuriating, others I pass it off as innocent curiosity and many days I take little notice. Again, my perception is my reality and can shift on a daily basis. 

I'm borrowing a friend's scooter for a bit and I took it out for my first ride yesterday. I was nervous the the traffic would be too much and I took it out during a less busy time just to be safe. The roads are chaos here and I wasn't sure I would be able to smoothly navigate the roundabouts. However, it turns out that the being a passive participant in the back of a car is much different than playing an active role in navigating the chaos. Its far less intimidating. 

One of the struggles I face with life in India is trying to understand the Indian perspective and ways of doing things. I'm not gonna lie, it can be super frustrating. But that's part of living in another country. And part of having a peaceful existence her (and anywhere really) is being able to roll with the punches and letting things roll off my back. It’s not always easy, but it is of course a matter of perspective.

Commit to self -improvement and forming better habits...

Hello friends ☺️
To help people embrace their best self, I am leading a 30 Days to Healthy Living Group and would love to have you jump on board or spread the word! Do you or anyone you know looking to have more energy, sleep better, reduce bodily pain, or lose weight?

The 30 Days program is a simple wellness plan and will deliver everything you need to reboot your system in a way that is healthy and safe. It is about detoxing on a cellular level to eliminate ‘addictive’ and allergenic foods, beverages and ingredients and eat WHOLE, REAL, UNPROCESSED FOODS to increase nutrient intake and help you look and feel great from the inside-out.  

With daily emails, recipes, and group support, we will follow an eating regimen which eliminates the most toxic and sensitivity-causing foods and beverages, we will use a combination of Arbonne's 100% gluten-free, vegan certified nutrition!

Arbonne has an awesome deal on nutrition right now! It’s the Arbonne Essentials ASVP with free Prepwork Gel Eye Masks and free shipping! Normally it would be $444 for all of this but with PC discount ($29), it’s just $266.40! This equal to less than $10 a day (that is a coffee and muffin at Starbucks!).

Call me and let’s get yours ordered before it’s gone! Please refer any friends or family who really are looking to feel healthier in 2019! They will forever thank you! AND theres strength in numbers. Committing with a friend or loved one increases your chances of success!

Who wants to add to this commitment to health and jump on board with me for a pushup challenge? Im committing to doing 100 per day for 30 days! New to pushups? Start with 10, 25 or 50. I do mine in sets of 10 and vary the type of pushups. Spme i have to do on my knees but that's ok! Ill get there. Forming one new healthy habit can be a catalyst for adopting many more (more on this later). Need suggestions on types of push ups? Let me know and i would be happy to send you some ideas! Lets do this together!

Its time to plan that January clean-up!

It's that time of year again...we are bombarded with holiday treats and sweets and at the same time right around the corner will be the call for New Year's resolutions. (yes, I know some of your don't make New Year's resolutions so you can call it something else. lol) 

Even though I am a health and fitness professional I am not going to tell you to skip the holiday parties, or fill your plate with veggies to avoid the treats. Let's be real, does this really work for people? I believe in balance and I think that balance means treating yourself sometimes. Balance does not have to mean an austere life. (not that I'm condemning anyone who chooses that path, its just not the one for me) Life ebs and flows with the change of seasons. Sometimes we find ourselves in a season of overindulgence and its time to hit the reset. For many this time of year is stressful and hectic and this can also result in bad food choices and putting self care on the back burner. These habits can cause a build up of toxins in the body. Here are a few signs you might be experiencing toxic build-up. 

• sugar cravings

• blood sugar issues

• skin issues (rashes, acne)

• moodiness

• insomnia

• increased belly fat

• autoimmune conditions

• inability to lose weight

A build-up of toxicity in the body can indicate a sluggish liver which is an important organ for detoxification. When we give the liver a break for 30 days it can catch up and help to rid the body of toxins. This can also help the body to shed stubborn fat stores. (fat tissue is a storage facility for toxins that keeps them away from vital organs)

Want to give yourself the gift and health and give that poor over-worked liver of yours a break? Then its time to embark on the Arbonne 30 days to healthy living plan! This IS NOT a crash diet. This IS NOT a starvation diet or liquid diet. This is a whole foods, complete body reset. Yes, it is recommended that you give up some things for the 30 days but I assure you that you will feel better for it. This amazing body reset includes the following:

• Complete meal plan including recipes

• daily support email

• bi-weekly email or text check in (calling is tough since I'm in India)

• access to a private Facebook group to recipes, successes and failures with other people on the program  

• vegan, gluten free toxin free supplements to support your body reset. 

For an overview of the program as well as more info about why you might need a detox check out this short VIDEO I made. 

My colleagues are also hosting an event on December 13th, 6-7 pm at Tea Chai Te on NW 23rd. Kimi and Amy will give you a breakdown of the program and will also have samples of the products for you to try. Unable to attend? The event will also be a facebook live to watch later. Let me know and I will get you added to the private group.

If you have any questions please don't hesitate to reach out! I would love to hear from you.

the stark dichotomies of life in Jaipur

On my first trip to India there was a lot of shock and awe, especially on those first few days. This bold (some might call foolish) step to move here for a short time has certainly brought its share of both. But I'm going to be real with you. Some of this shock and awe can be paired with anger, disgust and a complete loss of patience. 

On each of my trips to India I have found great joy, seen amazing beauty and experienced deep compassion. On each of these trips I have also experienced anger, tears of frustration and the ugly side of human existence. As I have said before, in spite of this, I am continually drawn to return.

As I sit and write horns continue to blare and as the the sun sets a layer of dust settles over the city. But the other side of this same coin is the Peepal trees and Bougainvillea blossoms adorning the city, the overpasses painted with pink and white Rajput designs and the bright smiles shared with me each day from the people selling produce on my street. India is filled with these dichotomies.

Many Indians take great pride in the natural beauty of the country. The Himalayas, the stunning coastline, enormous banyan trees and the thousands of glittering temples are all celebrated by Indians and foreigners alike. Yet there are still so many people who think nothing of tossing discarded plastic wrappers on the ground and burning piles of trash. (although I was pleased to find out that many cities ban the use of plastic bags in stores and instead give you "carry bags" made of recycled fabric)

There are signs of economic growth everywhere. Construction is heavily underway in Jaipur and part of this growth is bringing a metro system to the city. Some portions of the city are nicely maintained including signs calling on its citizens to "keep Jaipur clean and green". Yet at the same time, a large segment of the population remains undernourished and illiterate. 

Another part of the scene that I find strange is the situation with the cows. It's charming that cows roam freely on the streets and that they are cherished so deeply. Most Indians I've encountered in Jaipur who do eat meat wouldn't dream of eating a cow. Of course there are religious reasons behind but there is also a pragmatic one. (one might question which came first) One cow can provide nourishment to many people for many years with its milk. The meat of one cow can only feed a handful of people for a short time. It makes sense to avoid eating them, particularly in a country where there is so much poverty. The strange part is that the cows on the street are often fed vegetable scraps that are left in plastic bags. This results in the cows eating plastic bags and part of the reason so many sick and malnourished cows are roaming around. 

Along with these dichotomies I observe is the interesting roller coaster of emotions accompanying my experiences here. The beauty is breathtaking yet the waste can be repulsive. I have met amazing and inspiring people and I see others who treat people like animals. Of course these type of dichotomies exist everywhere but they do seem to be more pronounced here. And of course life is always filled with ups and downs, this is part of the richness of human existence. Without sadness there is no joy. Without pain there is no pleasure. Without rain we don't appreciate the sun; or in the case of living in desert state of Rajasthan, the constant sun deepens my appreciation of rain. 

Living in a place that so much is different means walking around with eyes more open. This heightened sense of presence is party self preservation because if you don't pay attention you might get side swiped by a tuk tuk. But I also think that taking in the surroundings with an open mind has been good for my practice of mindfulness. I have realized that this is part of why I love traveling so much. Its not only about seeing the natural beauty of another country, ancient architecture and finding culinary treats. The simple experiences of wandering the lanes in a foreign city make me look more deeply at my own life and my own thought processes. When I feel anger or fear or sadness what are my own patterns of thought that take me to these states of being? When I place judgements on others how do I justify doing so? What habits can I address to take me away from self-created suffering?

There are many reasons I chose to take this leap and move to India when I had a perfectly good life in Portland. In the time I have been here I have heard time and again that India "India will change you". It is always said with a gentle smile. After 2.5 months in India I am starting to feel those shifts. Like all of us I am a work in progress. There are many layers to this work but one commitment to the process of self development is keeping my eyes open to the lessons each day has to offer. I know I didn't have to move to the opposite side of the world to do this but it sure is an interesting place to learn life lessons.

                           

Finding my flow in Jaipur, India

From my first day of exploring India in 2008 I was hooked. From a very young age I was enchanted by the far east and had a yearning to see the world. My wander lust took me many places, including time spent living in Ireland and Japan. But India was different from any other place I had yet experienced. On that first wander around Delhi I was enthralled.

I found India to be a constant stimulation of the senses. The noise of the traffic and muslims being called to prayer, the women gracefully navigating busy streets adorned in beautiful saris, the smell of the coagulation of 17 million people, countless dogs and cows wandering the lanes, the beautiful architecture alongside the makeshift homes of people living on the street, the heat of the day and the palpable emotion of the people....the chaos drew me in. 

On that trip to India I explored the Himalayas, the grand state of Rajastan, experienced the grandeur of the Taj Mahal and the relaxing beaches of Goa. After 5 weeks there, I knew I would be back. I traveled to India again for my yoga teacher training in 2010 and again in 2014 for my first international yoga retreat. Each time I visited India I longed for the opportunity to stay, to soak it in for a while; to become a local in this fascinating place. I finally got my chance.

As the result of a very serendipitous encounter in Nepal in 2016 I was offered a position to teach yoga and English communications at a small design college in Jaipur called Gurukul School of Design. As everything was coming together for my position and relocation I kept feeling as though I was in a dream. The job seemed to be the perfect fit. I was to be a wellness coach, yoga instructor and English teacher for students learning fashion design. And the location seemed great. I had only spent a day in Jaipur on a previous trip and I remembered it as a city rich with culture and liked the fact that it it's not too big. Yes, 4 million people live in Jaipur but that pales in comparison the the 17 million living in Delhi just 4 hours away. 

Although I had long wanted to live in India I was faced with a tough choice. I loved living in Portland. After nearly 8 years in the Pacific Northwest it had become my home. I had lost love, found love, grew my business and have a wonderful community of friends who became my family. Yet, I knew that if I didn't seize the opportunity I would always wonder what might have been. Maybe the job wouldn't be great, maybe I wouldn't love living in Jaipur; but maybe I would. And after all, my wander lust still lives, my sense of adventure guides my heart and I knew I could always return to the PNW....so off I went.

Those first nights in the hotel were filled with dreams. Dreams of the past; stressful disorienting dreams of the future. I would wake up tearful and exhausted, wondering whether I made the right decision. I was thrown into things at work and felt out of sorts. The noise of the traffic got to me and the intense heat was stronger than I thought it would be. The hotel was clean and quiet and when I stepped out the door in the morning I felt bombarded by the surroundings. I knew there would be an adjustment period and I tried hard to keep that in mind.

The days passed and things got easier. My co-workers and I became fast friends which has been a huge help. I found an apartment, found where to buy the things I needed to make it a home and slowly I am finding my way. I have made a few more friends, gotten (more) comfortable running through the neighborhood in the early morning hours, found a gym and become acquainted with the local vegetable markets. Its slowly becoming home. I've traded the cab ride for a 30 minute walk to catch my ride to school and love how it feels to be part of the city starting its day. The rooftop of my apartment building provides the perfect backdrop for my morning yoga practice and I'm becoming accustomed to the heat. (although I am definitely looking forward to the "winter" people keep talking about)

I am slowly finding  rhythm in my life in India. Its been 1 month since my departure from Portland and as I find my routine I'm finding my flow. Like so much of life, its the little things that make such a huge difference. Naturally, I'm looking forward to returning to Goa, camel rides in  the desert and train rides to visit enchanting palaces. This is all part of what enticed me to take this leap. But life is made up of many small moments, not just the exciting ones. It's how we choose to live each of those small moments that forms our reality. Wherever we choose to go we have to learn to seek out happiness, to find our flow that brings us peace. My flow is in friendships, love, health and laughter. I am finding all of that here. How do you find your flow?

The Sardinian Way

Last weekend I returned from an amazing trip to Italy. I had the great fortune to host my most recent yoga adventure on the island of Sardinia. The island was the perfect backdrop, I couldn't have asked for a more beautiful location. We spent part of the week in the charming Catelonian city of Alghero and part in the cozy beach town of Cala Gonone. We swam in the awe inspiring turquoise waters Sardinia is famous for, practiced yoga, ate, drank and explored together. It was an week filled with deliciousness, adventure and laughter. 

Being on Sardinia for a week was magical. I felt that I could easily slide into life there. I could feel the slower pace, the energy of the people and natural beauty draw me in. I loved starting my days with a walk or a run, sipping a cappuccino and taking in the surroundings. 

One of the interesting things about Sardinia is the longevity of its people. Sardinia is one of 5 "Blue Zones" in the world which are areas identified as having inhabitants that often live beyond 90. The other four are Okinawa (Japan), Nicoya (Costa Rica), Icaria (Greece) and the Seventh-day Adventist community in Loma Linda, Calif.

The secrets of the longer lives in Sardinia aren't really that surprising. Seafood is plentiful and meat has a weekly rather than daily presence in the diet. Sheep cheese is a staple and goats milk is part of the traditional diet. Sheep cheese is more nutritionally dense and much easier to digest than cheese made from cow's milk. Goats milk is high in omega-3 fatty acids and is anti-inflammatory.  Sardinians also eat what they grow and grow what they eat. Being an island, access to food from elsewhere is more costly and less accessible. As a result, sustainability reigns and eating with the seasons is the common way to go.

Another influence of the long lives of Sardininans is the inclusion of a small amount of red wine on a daily basis. The traditional red wine produced there, cannanau, is particularly high in flavanoids which are anti-inflammatory and help ward off disease including heart disease and alzheimers.

Sardinians also take things at a slower pace and live in community. Meals are an event shared with friends and family. They take time to prepare, to enjoy and linger over them. Elders are cherished and looked after. Afternoons are  quiet and slow and Sundays are more often a day of rest. I feel blessed to have experienced a small sliver of life on Sardinia and look forward to the day I can return.  

SLOWING IT DOWN. READY FOR TAKEOFF.

As a holistic wellness professional I coach people in various aspects. I teach people how to eat better and give their bodies the fuel they need to thrive. I teach people how to move to improve body awareness, lose weight, gain strength and improve balance. But the coaching doesn't stop here. What we eat and how we move our bodies is only part of the equation. The mental emotional component is a huge aspect of overall wellness. Our internal dialogue, our self care habits and our relationships all have a huge impact on our daily lives. These aspects of wellness are often the trickiest part for people to navigate and most difficult to change. The same goes for me.

Towards the end of the year I decided it would be the best for me to reset. In September I embarked on a 30 day health reboot and I felt great. With the holiday indulgences, ongoing injuries and some personal hardship weighing me down I decided it would serve me to do it again. Giving up things like alcohol and dairy for 30 days is only a part of the commitment I made for the program. Its also about paying better attention to how my habits effect my overall sense of well being. Just like my clients, that mental emotional piece is challenging to navigate. Even more so than eliminating coffee for 30 days. 

Part of my struggle in this realm is dealing with my inner critic that rears its ugly head when I don't exercise hard enough. And to be honest, this inner critic wins even when I know the hard workouts have been preventing an injury from fully healing. However, I am happy to say that I have been taking my own advice. 

Over the summer and into fall I was training hard for various events and really enjoying challenging myself at the gym. I thrive on physical intensity and it empowers me both physically and mentally. However, I fell away from my yoga practice during this time and my body suffered because of it. Not only that but I wasn't spending nearly enough time in stillness. 

At the start of this 30 day reboot I re-committed to my yoga practice. A big part of this is forgoing some harder workouts in exchange for time on my mat. I already feel better for it. A couple of days ago I was getting ready for my day and it normally would have been a day for circuit training. My mind told me to push through and do it. But my body and my deeper energy told me to skip it and take a 90 minute yoga class instead. That little battle inside my head ensued. In the end yoga was victorious. It may not seem like much of a victory, but it is for me. 

In addition to getting my butt back on my matt I have committed to getting more sleep too. (which I have to say is easier and of better quality when there is no wine with dinner). Sleep effects everything. When I don't sleep enough it shows  around my eyes, my mood suffers, I am more likely to make bad food choices and it is harder to focus on my work. I'm sure you can all relate. It took a couple of long nights of sleep to remind me just how important it is. Taking better care of myself means I can better navigate the busy season in my business and put myself into position for up-level my life and businesses in 2018.

It's one thing to coach people on their health and wellness. It's a whole different ballgame following some of my own advice. But hey, I'm only human and the struggle to stay healthy and strong is real for all of us. Where those struggles lie varies. We all need some support to help stay on track. 

Do you need help finding a path to better health? Its not too late to put yourself in place to up-level your life for 2018. For more information on my 30 day health reboot or health coaching contact me at warriorflow@gmail.com. I would love to chat with you about how I can help you become healthier and stronger. I am also available for on site corporate wellness consulting. 

Hard Work Pays Off!

Over the years I have had the pleasure of helping people become stronger and healthier. I love what I do and take great pride in guiding people to realize their full potential. I believe that a big part of connecting to internal and external strength is the ability to connect to the physical self. Just as we are a product of our thoughts and mental habits, we are a product of our physicality as well. To be healthy inside and out we must move our bodies. To know ourselves is to know all aspects of the self. Know the life you want to live and take steps to get there. Know the way you want to feel in your body and give yourself the appropriate food and exercise habits to get there.

We are so unique. What gets me up in the morning might be very different from what motivates you. Some people thrive on short and intense physical activity, while some prefer slow and steady. Some prefer the heat, and some thrive when it is damp and cool. Some people thrive on a vegetarian diet and others do better including animal products in a plant based diet.

Part of the beauty of being a health and wellness professional is that I have the opportunity to work with so many different kinds of people. One client I have had the great pleasure of working with since the beginning of 2017 is Kara Hockersmith. She came to me because she needed guidance in her workouts and motivation to stay on track. It has been a great journey so far. 

When Kara and I started working together she balked when I handed her 8 or 10 lb dumbbells. One day I handed her a kettle bell and she said with a laugh "this is the heaviest thing I have ever lifted". She didn't believe me that she could hold 2 of them and do squats. But she did. When she was able to do push-ups she was genuinely surprised by her own strength (but I wasn't). She comes into each session committed to working hard and gives it her all. As with all of us, some days are harder than others but she's always willing to try what I put before her and is sometimes surprised by her abilities to squat heavy loads and do my crazy push ups.

It has been such a pleasure to be a part of the gains she has made in her strength, agility and balance. But she gets all the credit. She's the one who does the hard work. I nudge her to her edge and she takes the steps to growth. Kara's most recent development is adding miles and speed to her runs. Now SHE is inspiring ME to work hard. Sometimes the teacher becomes the student. Get it Kara! It takes commitment and perseverance when we want to improve and nobody said this was easy. But it sure is rewarding.

Want to get in on personal training in 2018? I have a few openings in my schedule and I am now available for personal training in 2 locations. Me Fitness Studios (Alberta and MLK) and Body Balance Techniques (121 SW Morrison). Contact me for available times and to discuss your wellness goals for 2018.

Fall into the rhythm of the season

Fall is a wonderful time of year. The vibrant changing leaves, the crip air, and the abundant harvest define the changing season, one that many of us welcome after the heat of summer. I find fall to be such a nurturing time of year. Just like many of us, I LOVE summer and everything that comes with it. But let's be honest, all the activities and heat can be exhausting. With the change of season I feel called to settle in and take action. Time to clean out the closet and drawers and get rid things I don't need anymore. Time to set new goals and determine a plan of action. Time to cook thick, spicy soups on Sunday afternoons. Time to get out in nature and walk rather than run. 

This cold and windy time of year can also bring with it more sickness. According to Ayurvedic tradition this "vata" or air dominant time can be balanced by our diet and lifestyle choices. 

To find more grounding to balance the vata energy of fall establish a routine. Try to wake at the same time and give yourself ample time to set the tone for your day. Moisturize after your shower, spend 10-15 minutes in mediation as many days as you can. If you are new to the practice start with 5 minutes and work up to more. Get your body moving with more gentle exercise.

As you might guess, hearty and heavier foods are great for fall. Winter squash are abundant, delicious and so versatile. Other optimal foods to include during this season are oats, quinoa, beans, beets, carrots, chilis and garlic. Limit intake of raw foods as they are more difficult to digest, particularly during colder weather. 

Follow these simple tips this season and keep your body healthy, strong and balanced.  Contact me for more suggestions or for healthy fall recipes. 

The Joy Within Discipline

On September 5th I embarked on a 30 day plan to clean up my diet, change some unhealthy habits I had adopted over the summer and prepare for my fist olympic distance triathlon. I eliminated inflammatory foods, focused on getting more sleep, decreased my social time to turn my attention inward and up-leveled my training which included more rest days. All of these things required concerted effort and non of them were easy (yes, even taking more rest days). Making change, even when we know the change is positive, is not easy. It takes discipline, but discipline doesn't have to be a dirty word. Over the past month this discipline has helped me cultivate a sense of peace and an unexpected undercurrent of joy.

In the Shambhala tradition the snow lion represents joy, unconditional cheerfulness and a mind free from doubt. Over the past month I have noticed a shift in my general sense of well being, beginning to feel the embodiment of the snow lion. Skipping the wine with dinner improved mental clarity in the morning. Eliminating coffee took away a crutch I realized I didn't need. Implementing more rest days helped me push myself to greater improvements on my training days. Although there were moments of joy when I felt my muscles getting stronger riding hills and on my training swims in the Columbia. Even more importantly I felt a greater sense of peace.  Life's struggles are still there but there has been lighter feel to obstacles. Even training through a hip injury felt more navigable than it might have been

I was certainly not perfect on my 30 days to healthy living plan but that was also part of the process for me. Faltering didn't derail me as it would have in the past. Taking extra time off of training to nurture an injury was hard but worth it in the long run. I left room for self compassion when I wasn't perfect and recognized this as a growth point rather than telling myself I failed. 

When the day of the triathlon came after so much anticipation, pain and excitement I felt ready to dive in full force and accept what happened in my body. I might not be able to run, I might have to take breaks but I committed to doing the best I could. And it turned out, my mental an physical training paid off. I soared through the mile swim, climbed the hills with a vengeance on the 25 mile ride and found my stride on the last half of the 6 mile run. As I sprinted toward the finish line on my runners high there were tears of joy in my eyes. Joy for completing the challenge, the amazing backdrop of the endeavor, and gratitude for my blessed life. My heart is full.

Want to know how you can up-level your life with 30 days to healthy living? Contact me at warriorflow@gmail.com.